I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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