How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
