There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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