when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am midnight drunk by noon
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
