birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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