he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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