the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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