jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
