Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
FUCK WHALES
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
