Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
