I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
