I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
