You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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