turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
