I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
