we made out on top of his cat.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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