you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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