I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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