Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You pole danced in your parka.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
