I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
