.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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