I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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