We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
