i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
