you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
