I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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