Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
