it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
