He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
