So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
