Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
