Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
