Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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