So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i've created a new STD.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
