Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
