sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
