i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
