i think my mom watched the whole time
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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