That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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