there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
