WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
