it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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