I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
