it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
