god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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