No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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