You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
