Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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