dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Houston, we have a squirter
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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