I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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