Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
