I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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