My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
