my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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