I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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