i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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