you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
