Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
