He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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