MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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