One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
