what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
