Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
