Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
