Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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