addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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