Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
