I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
