made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
