how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
