I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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