your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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