Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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