I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
