I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
