What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
