she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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