New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize