you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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