tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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