We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
