My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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