We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
