I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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