thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
