you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
