the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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