Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
