I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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